Most Significant Changes Stories

From cold floor to warm bed

According to traditional beliefs a woman is dirty when she has her period. In Palpa district things are changing through reproductive health trainings from Women’s Welfare Association.

By Malene Lærke

26. July 2006

“I had to sleep on the cold dirty floor with a small blanket that could not keep me warm, I was not allowed to take a bath for the four days I had my period and I was not allowed to touch other people or to enter the kitchen. That used to be my reality when I had my period but today I can sleep next to my husband in our warm bed,” tells Dharma Panthi, a 22 year old woman living in  Pheidhi in Palpa district.

“Without any reason or justification I had to sleep on the floor. I felt so bitter when I had to sleep on the mat in a damp, dark room. It is a rude and brutal rule because there was room for me in the bed beside my husband. It was humiliating. I am sorry that this ill rule has ever existed,” she says.

Reproductive health training

Today Dharma Panthi can speak about sleeping on the floor when she had her period in past tense. During the past year customs has been changing rapidly in her family and in the surrounding community.

One year ago, Dharma Panthi, her husband and her mother in law participated in a reproductive health training arranged by Women’s Welfare Association, WWA from Tansen in Palpa district. The training has given her the courage to claim her rights.

“Before the training I had only heard about how things could be through the radio but now I can use them practically because I am not the only one knowing about these things. My husband and my mother in law also went to the training and got conscious and heard the same information as I did,” explains Dharma Panthi.

The training has changed the belief in the family about how a woman should be treated. Today Dharma Panthi can lead a normal life during her period.

“I can do sweeping and cleaning and I can sit on the bed and I sleep beside my husband but I am still not allowed to go to the kitchen,” she says and adds that her husband’s reaction to the changes in the home has been positive and that he is very supportive.

“Today he can understand that it is good for me to sleep in a good warm bed when I have my period and that it is only fair. We have discussed what we learned at the training and we agreed that things should be changed.”

Her husband sits beside her and smiles and nods while she is talking. Today he regrets that he made his wife sleep on the floor. 

“I did not know any better. I have always been taught that a woman should sleep on the floor during her period. I did what I thought was right according to our traditional belief. Today I know that a woman’s period is a natural thing and that it has to happen, that it is not her fault and she should not be punished for it. A woman needs to be handled with care during her period otherwise she can get sick. That is the important things I learned at the training which has made a difference,” says Rishiram Panthi who has been married to Dharma Panthi for four years.

It is not only vital through the reproductive health training that the husbands are present but also that the mother in laws get a new approach, according to WWA. Quite often a mother in law wants the daughter in law to follow the same rules as she had to follow. If she could give birth in the cow shed so can the daughter in law. 

Dharma Panthi’s mother in law Yem Kumari Panthi was also present at the training.

“I learned that I must give a lot of love to my daughter in law and make sure that she has a healthy diet. I gave her love before the training too but today I have learned that a daughter in law needs a lot of love. I make sure she gets rest during her period, that she sleeps in the bed and that she must not carry heavy burdens,” she says.

The old generation

Changing the minds of the young generation has proven to be easy but to change the belief of the old generation is difficult. That is the new challenge for the young couple.

“When I came back from the training I shared with the rest of the community what I had learned. The old women were negative but the young women trusted me. The old women have grown up in the old culture and they are not educated. That is the same with the old men. They all shrink their noses and they are the hardest to convince,” says Dharma Panthi.

“The old men in the community keep telling me that I should stick to the old rules and not be close to my wife when she has her period, but I don’t listen to them. Our generation has a new message to give,” says Rishiram Panthi that is determined to eradicate the old belief in the community.

After the reproductive health training Dharma and Rishiram Panthi has begun using birth control and decided that there should be five years between their first born daughter and the next baby. And if they get a daughter again they will receive her with happiness.

“I did not use to think so. I used to think that it would be much better to get a son. Today I know that getting a daughter is a blessing too. Both genders are equal and should not be treated differently,” says Dharma Panthi.

“Are you absolutely sure,” she is asked by one of the listeners in the group.

“Yes, I am absolutely sure. Bakka!” she says firmly and smiles to her husband that nods and agrees.