From kitchen to community

The women could not walk freely in the community and had to flee to go to trainings. Today the doors to freedom have been opened through the women’s group under MS partner Women’s Welfare Association.

“My husband did not want me to go to one training in Damkara. He tried in many ways to stop me from going but I really wanted to go so I secretly left in the middle of the night and came back seven days later. He was so angry that he did not talk to me in weeks because I had refused to be under his command, tells Bhagawati Basyal, treasurer of Kalika Mahila Samuha, ward no. 9 in Pible, Chirtungdhara VDC in Palpa district.

Bhagawati Basyal had to flee her home at night to go to a training. Photo by Malene Lærke

Under male command

In the past the women in the village where under strict control of the men and they could not go to public meetings or trainings. Today the 23 women in the women’s group sit on straw mats at the square in the village. The women are cheerfully chatting and are clearly enjoying being together in a public place. They enjoy the freedom of being able to meet and talk; the freedom of having their own money and the freedom of making their own decisions. A lot of problems for the women in the community have been overcome and today it makes it possible for them to do what they like doing.

“We are your master and you must obey and stay in the kitchen was the commanding voice of the males in the community,” laughs one of the women and the whole group is laughing with her. Today they can make fun of the past. The women in the group are young and from a distance an elderly woman squats with her hands folded resting on her knees. During the whole meeting she observes the group but never says a word.

“We could not do the things we wanted to do and because of the strict control we were afraid of talking to men and to other women. We were all very much alone. We were told to keep quiet and not to break our order,” tells Durga Devi Neupane, chairperson of the group.

“We were always busy in the kitchen and we had no knowledge and no income. We wanted to overcome these problems and be free and active and therefore we formed this group nearly three years ago because together we are strong. This has really changed our lives,” tells Bhagawati Basyal.

Woman to the hospital

The strength became evident a day when there were no men in the village and one of the women got sick. She had to go to the hospital immediately and she was carried to the United Mission Hospital in Tansen.

“When the men came back they realised that we can manage on our own. They did not think we could do it but now they know and that has helped making them changing their minds, says Sumitra Pandey, member of the women’s group.

Kalika Mahila Samuha in Palpa district Photo by Malene Lærke

Economic independence

After the group was formed and registered with Women’s Welfare Association, WWA, both women and men in the community received frequent trainings from the organisation. Every month each member of the group gives 10 rupees to the group. The money is invested in income generating activities like goats and chicken, production of ghee and vegetables and in secret they also produce alcohol.

“We got conscious and we have learned how to be active and equal with men. We began to collect our own funds and as the work went on and we slowly could see changes in our own behaviour and in the community, we kept on going and we became more and more bold and brave. The men began to understand that it is wrong to control women through trainings from WWA, says Khumakala Khanal that recalls that there was bitter quarrelling between men and women and that the men used to scold the women because they got training and began to question the culture but nowadays the men encouraged the women.

“And when our husbands send us out to buy something we cheat a bit and take a bit of the money for ourselves and say that the vegetables cost more that usually, reveals one of the women with a big smile.

Family patterns have changed

The doors to the community have been opened and the old culture in the families is being pushed out the back door.

“In our time we could not imagine having a dialogue with our husband in front of the mother in law. We could not have any milk, we could only eat selected food and we got a dirty straw mat when we were giving birth. We had to do so much labour but today there is equal work in the families. Today all of that has changed because of trainings and discussions, tells Laxmi Pandey, joint secretary of the group.

The women have also learned not to pass on the old patterns to their daughters. The women know that giving their daughters a good education is the next step to go. Today the women send their daughters to school and encourage them to get an education.

“In our time you cannot imagine how hard it was. This is liberating and you can see the smiles on everybody’s faces. We have experienced a drastic change because we wanted it to happen. Today we can actually talk to our husbands,” tells Bhagawati Basyal.

An inexpensive wife

Today Bhagawati Basyal can go to trainings and do not have to flee in the middle of the night. Her husband has had a change of mind because his wife has begun to make money.

“I was asking money from time to time but after the training for the women’s group from WWA we started our own fund. My husband is happy he does not have to pay money to me and that decreases the tension between us. Today he can see it as a benefit that I am independent. I don’t cost him any money,” she says.

As to how the changes came along in the community and what there exactly has happened to facilitate the change it difficult for the women to put a finger on. They believe that a joint effort and a change of mind through trainings have made the difference.  The turning point they say was the trip to the hospital where they showed their true colours and that women are capable human beings.

I won’t let my husband beat me anymore

Hema Thadarai has learned how she can stop her husband from beating her. She gets the courage through the women’s group in the village

“When I went out of the house this morning to go to this meeting my husband shouted after me that he would kill me and that I have a bad character but I did not listen to him and just closed the door. He says I am his property but I go wherever I want to. He cannot oppress me anymore,” tells Hema Thadarai, member of Kalika Mahila Samuha, ward no. 9 in Pible, Chirtungdhara VDC in Palpa district.  

Hema Thadarai got courage through the women's group. Photo by Malene Lærke

It did not use to be like that. Before Hema Thadarai got the courage to close the door her husband would beat her for wanting to go to a public meeting or to trainings but today she has by the support from the women’s group got the courage to stop the violence in her marriage.

Touched her feet

45 year old Hema Thadarai got married when she was 17 years old. When her husband at that time was courting her he treated her like a queen, touched her feet and begged her to marry him. After the wedding the violence began and in the first 26 years of the marriage she got beaten by her husband. Just four years ago she began to realise that life could be different and that it would be possible for her to stop the beating.

“I used to cover my two sons with my sari so that they couldn’t see how their father was beating me. I have always told my husband that if he would stop drinking our marriage would be beautiful like a flower but the flower has never blossomed. He just keeps on drinking,” she says.

Hema Thadarai awareness rose through trainings and meetings in the women’s group. When she looks back there are three main reasons why she has been able to stop the violence in her marriage.  

“Firstly, the women’s group give me daily support and they have helped me take the decision never to obey my husband again. He does not respect me and he does not value me as his wife. Secondly, today my sons have grown up and they protect me, help me and give me courage to say no. Thirdly, I today myself have the courage to say no. I know I am worth more than to be beaten and I have a lot of sisters in the group who can remind me of that, she says.