Letter from America

Dubya is a fictional American from Texas now living in Washington. He is a card-carrying Republican who likes fly-fishing, barbeque grills, and writing on different global matters. Dubya is thinking of going for US President, 2004. His slogan: Lets do it again!

By Ian Gatere

Dubya is a fictional American from Texas now living in Washington. He is a card-carrying Republican who likes fly-fishing, barbeque grills, and writing on different global matters. Dubya is thinking of going for US President, 2004. His slogan: Lets do it again! “A liberal is someone who walks out of the room as soon as a fight begins”

You know sometimes, I just don’t like discussing matters with liberals. They avoid being honest with themselves as much as they avoid being honest with others. Let me begin with terrorism. Some funny liberals have the temerity (that means ‘they dare’, I checked!) the temerity to try to understand terrorism. Brother-please! Terrorism is not something you understand? It’s something you deal with! I mean, if it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, and looks like a duck: what else can it be but a duck? Any other views are the usual liberal sidesteps of tough realities. Lucky for them though, we are here.

Terrorism’s Strategic Error

Let me start by observing one fact: Terrorism made a huge strategic error by resorting to the methods it did. Bombing buildings? It doesn’t work, OK! Before the physical war had even started, terrorism lost public support by its use of alienating methods. Yet the moral victory was its only option. Terrorism lacks the capacity to win any sort of technological war against us. To put it simply terrorism misunderestimated us. It’s in a no-win situation. It has sown the seeds of its own destruction inviting scorched earth retribution against itself and those we choose to identify as its supporters. It handed us the advantage and we are going to use it to rewrite the world -in our own image. Thanks to them, even Old Europe is being won to Dubya’s truth: all things + development aid must fight terrorism.

Rewriting the World

This is the perfect opportunity for true patriots, what you-all mistakenly call reactionaries, to do what we have been wishing for all along but lacked opportunity. Build walls around disputed land, arrest people, hold them indefinitely without charge, re-introduce ‘physical interrogation’. And what’s our reason: The Terrorists! Stricter global measures to protect our way of life, some to our advantage off course, are yet to come. Dangerous liberalism at the UN in environment, racism, human rights, we have and shall reverse. I mean, we have the right to defend our values, our way of life. And this time, we don’t even have to argue. We just do it man. This is what the new climate has done for us. It has freed us.

You ask: where did terrorists sanctuary in the first place? Was it not in the US, UK and Germany? Well, that’s true. We were so kind and generous we were taken advantage of. That’s a weakness we have. It’s called Western civilization. It’s the reason all you people from that continent of Nigeria are looking to migrate here. But after 9/11, we wizened up. The safe haven is lost. We have drained the swamps. And that is why, as the terrorists move to your poorly policed 3^rd world, we’re saying to you: better drain your swamps too.

As Liberals Fret (as usual)

As we have been out there fighting for civilization as we know it, where are the liberals: WALKING OUT AS USUAL. Playing goody-goody and stringing worry beads. Liberals, like we say in Texas, wear big hats but have no cattle. Darn! Were it not for good ol USA, they would all be talking German. What good would liberalism have done them then? Like my buddies say, when the West fights Iraq liberals demonstrate. But when Osama bombs a building, they are as quiet as mice. Liberals! Going around the world and giving poor people a bad name. You know, implying the poor, thanks to so-called ‘market fundamentalism’, are now ‘potential terrorists’ just waiting to be activated! Some of the best people I know are poor. I don’t hear ‘em whine. I don’t see ‘em loitering at my street corner, begging for a buck. No way Jose! They are somewhere out there working. Pulling themselves up by their own bootstraps. It’s the American way. And it works.

The American Spirit works!

Yup, the Spirit! That beat-up piece o’ equipment sent from the US to Planet Mars. If I got my facts right, the US Spirit was the first of two attempts by earth to visit another planet. It’s the first, so Mars is ours. The 3^rd world didn’t send any. While the other one sent by Europe: Why it splattered and flopped like a salmon trout on a wet London pavement. But the US Spirit: smooth as an oil well. Why? Cause US works. It’s simple-duh! Get off your liberal b*t, roll up your sleeves and you will make it. Play victim – and you bite dust!

So as you liberals use the freedoms we won -using our blood, sweat and tears- to hurl mud at US foreign policy, be honest to yourselves: Recommend practical solutions for protecting our way of life that half the world envies. It’s a fact that ¾ of this world dreams of being ‘young and American’. So liberals please, no more ‘If only’ scenarios, OK.

Are we going to have to do it for you, again?

As ever,

Dubya