Kamaiya women, doubly disadvantaged

Mukti or freedom has not so far affected more than half the population. In a way, they are still slaves, service providers or an exploited mass. Not surprisingly, Tharu women, particularly ex-Kamaiya women, like many other Nepali women from other castes, still live like servants of their male counterparts. The worst part is they suffer more, in a different way and context, due to the conservative cultural practices in their society. One such peculiar cultural practice is 'exchange marriage'. Women are exchanged like commodities when they are still at the age of puberty. In this particular culture, if a man marries a woman, he is supposed to marry off his sister to his wife’s brother. There is no age bar; a matured man can marry a very young girl, as young as under sixteen.

The primary job of her, then onwards, is to act as per her spouse’s will; to please him in every way she can. Along with contenting husband, she needs to satisfy other family members like in-laws and relatives too. She becomes the only person, if she turns out to be the lucky single daughter-in-law in the family, to do all domestic chores and also find time to work in the field as labourer. Moreover, rearing children and taking care of elderly family members are what she must accept as routine work she is expected to do. Well, many other Nepalese rural women too carry on such work but the difference with Tharu women is that they suffer due to their marriage. If a man mistreats his spouse by any chance, then his sister, who is married off to his wife's brother, too becomes vulnerable to victimization. A Tharu man may revenge his sister's sorrow by torturing his wife, which is more like a woman being treated as a man's property that he can use and abuse at his whims.

Such marriages, apart from violating the law of the land, sometimes, create crucial social problems. For instance, Kopila was married off to Ram Kumar Chaudhari, a man double her age, when she was just 15. Reason? Kopila's brother had married her husband's sister. The problem is their age difference. Kopila, now seventeen, thinks that her husband is too matured and can't live up to her aspirations. "May be I do not know how to treat him well or he does not understand me. He has stopped talking to me since a year. I feel humiliated, sorry… and feel like crying…"she said with tearful eyes.

Kopila had come to her sister's place, Rajena – an ex-Kamaiya camp, 18 km away from Nepalgunj, last month. Like many other times, she had come to see her sister to share her pains. Her husband's home is at Naulapur. She spent her childhood with her Kamaiya parents in Naubasta. She never went to school and had to work with her parents in the landlord's house. Today also, her husband and mother-in-law send her to work in the landlord's house. "My husband has given consent to the landlord's family to make me work as they like. He has also told them to assault me if I don't work according to their will," she said, adding, "I work very hard, cook meal for the landlord's big family, wash their clothes and clean the big house. I also need to go to the field when it is paddy-planting time. But whatever remuneration I am entitled to, my mother-in-law takes all."

This, however, is not only Kopila's story; thousands of women suffer here due to such practices. Like other women, these Tharu women too have aspirations, desires and dreams. They do not mind working hard for their family but they need to be loved, at least by their husband. "I can work a lot. I am unhappy not because I have to work hard but because my husband does not love me. Can you believe he even does not touch me…? I can do nothing other than cry," she says. Deep in her heart she does not like her husband because of his age but she has accepted him due to the rigid social custom. There are other men in her village, who ask her to come with them. "It’s a matter of shame, if I marry one of them. How can I sleep with a man, who is not my husband?" queried Kopila. However, she sometimes feels like running away with one when hard times grip her. Once she fell sick but her family, along with her husband, ignored her. Finally, her sister who lives in Rajena camp, took her to the doctor and she recovered. "Then, I felt like running away with a man of my age who would love me," revealed a displeased Kopila.

Kopila's brother is not like her husband so he has not yet troubled his wife. But locals report that in many such cases, both families get ruined because of such incidents. Meanwhile, these women are vulnerable to sexual harassment at the work place as well. As they are told to be quiet, they don not have the courage to reveal the bitter truth that in one way or another and at different ages they are sexually harassed by their masters and male friends. "I have not faced such problems yet, but many friends say that their masters and their sons have tried to abuse them. We all were vulnerable to rape, it is the reality. But time has changed now. We are no more Kamaiyas and can work where we feel safe," said Nirmala Tharu, 16, who was recently married to a man who had sent his sister to her brother in return.

The main reason that these women suffer is because ours is a male dominated society. Women are treated as mere commodities, means of entertainment and service providers. At the same time, these women are still in the grip of conservative mentality, lack awareness and continue to live in a world of fantasy. These women believe in witch and witch doctors. "My mother-in-law is a witch, practices black art. She wants me to become a witch against my will. Now she has turned my husband against me, so he doesn't treat me well. He even doesn't touch me," said an ex-Kamaiya woman at Rajena camp.

A crucial question for the so-called women rights activists to ponder is: where do these woman stand when we talk about women development in Nepal? Where do these elite-right activists' efforts go? They should at least visit such places where victims live instead of giving lectures at seminars and workshops at luxurious hotels in the capital city. The bottom line is women's issue, as part of the Kamaiya rehabilitation process, is more crucial as women are the key stakeholders in every development practice.